Seedling

 ".... It’s all stuff you can’t see.  It’s underground.  It’s like that seed being stuck in the dirt, taking root, growing, getting fed and trying to push through the soil.

It’s not there yet.

It’s in the struggle.

But it hurls itself to break through the soil….it’s going to be a gorgeous bloom.

I need water.

I need sunshine.

I need to grow into something wild and beautiful." - Veronica Varlow  (You can read the whole post here: http://dangerdame.com/2013/04/11/things-i-think-about-thursday-im-a-mess/ Which I would suggest, but then, I would suggest bookmarking her blog because it is awesome)

    I'm a step deeper... slowly rehydrating, soaking up a little light that filters through. I suppose I needed winter first, or at least, I'm going to hope that I did... but my trying to frame depression as somehow something that had to happen is another post. Anyway. 

    I haven't been getting a lot of tangible things done, but that's not always what it's about. I am constantly trying to alter my thinking, or at least question it, and that takes energy. I'd like to think that I'm getting somewhere in my self-therapy. I'm giving my physical self more of what it needs, and less poison. I'm reading more and staring at my computer less. All of this looks like nothing, but are still beneficial things that require a level of energy. At least or especially when you're looking at change. 

    It's a lot of work under the surface. 

   I know that I need to work on breaking out of my seed coat. I'm not about to accept where I currently am. But at the same time, I'm not about to beat myself up over not doing much. I'm not going to scold myself for not pushing myself when what I do manage to do takes a fairly high level of initiative energy right now. 

    I am still under the soil, but I won't stay there. I am on the right track. All plants, no matter how big or complex, start out at this phase. I'm breaking out of dormancy.