Thursday, February 6, 2014

I'm about a month in....

        I'm not eating wonderfully, but I'm getting better. A healthy meal has become more the norm instead of the exception. I'm also moving a lot more, and I've kinda made it a habit to go walk outside every day.
        I've not made grand leaps in becoming a wonderful seamstress, but I am at least starting to think craftily (i.e. "I wanna make a hip scarf!!" instead of browsing online stores for one). I've tried my hand at decorating mirrors, which I'm still rather proud of even though my painting skills leave much to be desired.
        I'm not much of a dancer either, but I'm working on it.

        And most of all, I'm not past depression. I'm still really tired much of the time. I'm still not a good advocate for myself. I still get sad. I'm still kind of anti-social. But my thinking has changed. It's not just a matter of depression etc loosening it's grip enough that I can breathe and smile occasionally... My thoughts are changing on a deeper level. The problems I have are still quite at the surface, but I'm learning to deal with them instead of constantly being brought down.

         I keep worrying that I'm just going to crash down again emotionally, but this isn't like every other time. I am here because I fought, and I am progressing (however painfully slowly) because I'm still working on things. Maybe I'll get a decent amount of energy back too late to do a ton with it this semester, but even if that proves to be the case, this time will have served it's purpose on the path that I'm on.

           And I do feel like I'm doing more than I was doing last semester. I mean honestly, I got next to nothing out of a 17 credit semester. Have a mentioned that there's a reason I felt like I should run away?

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