Monday, January 13, 2014

A "break"

    I don't know how else to describe this, but the word that other people like to jump to doesn't feel right. A break sounds like rest like in bed or being a couch potato. That's not at all the idea, although some days might seem like it.
    In a sense I'm resting, but it's meant to be a very active break. Even on days when externally it looks like I'm doing nothing, I'm spending a good deal of time in my head trying to work with it... and I'm moving towards finding more things to do outside that are awesome and enriching. Or at least helpful, like going out and looking for a job that may or may not replace my current one.

    So I don't know. Maybe I'm creating drama where there isn't none, because in reality I know that what I'm doing is right. I'm certainly lucky to have the ability to step back and figure out my path and put a lot of energy into reprogramming my mind, but given the fact that I am so fortunate... I think it's the right choice. I worry that I'll fail, I guess. I don't know. Summer vacation have never done me much good.

    I'd feel bad for a waste of post, but no one is reading anyway, so ha.

    But for now, it's getting into the afternoon on the first day of my officially missing school. My mental health semester, I suppose. I feel like I ought to do something to make it feel separate from the hell of last semester and the very easy going recovery of the post holiday break. Maybe I'll just go get my hair cut and other traditionally New Years-y things I didn't get to. Same kind of idea, right? Leave the past behind, move on to something better, granted that's every day of my life.

    I don't know how to simply state why I'm doing this. My goal is to make myself better, ready to take on the world instead of cowering in the shadows. That and figure out what exactly I should be going after. But see, that sounds broad enough to not mean anything! Ugh.
   But yes. I am here because I reached a point where pushing forward seemed foolhardy and painful. No going back now. Time to make the most of it!!


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