I may have to come off my pedestal a little bit. I'm not that exceptional. I'm not that complex. Somehow I seem to have this subconscious belief that I may be a horribly broken person, but I'm broken in an interesting way, dammit. At least, I can't think of many other reasons why the idea of my issues stemming from low self-worth/self-loathing/whatever bothers me so much. Well, that and calling my beliefs "insecurities" implies that they are false.
So I don't know. It's so simple. On an emotional level, it's easy to go "there's no way it's that simple." But then, you go into science, you hear over and over again about the idea that the simplest explanation is usually the right one (Occam's razor). Not that it being the simplest answer is proof of veracity, but then, emotional response is hardly proof by itself either.
The other thing that occurred to me is that this is markedly different from the past. I'm starting to consider the kinds of ideas and approaches that I used to automatically label as optimistic/denial-ish bullshit. Very bitterly and dragging my heels and still with a high degree of skepticism, but nonetheless.
This is actual change. This is evidence that it's not just like last time.
I'm moving towards somewhere new.
There is hope.